When Sparkles Rise

The final heartache left with those that have lost loved ones suffering. The sadness, the sorrow… The everlasting pain and fears of those that stand aside watching helplessly… today they bewail the loss of a life…

Last night I wrote this as the result of very sad finale of the past three years and the loss of a woman, that I didn’t really know, but yet knew very well… For her actions changed the courses of my life, despite…

For you CS, and those you have left behind…

When Sparkles Rise ~ Echo

We need not weep a loss… As it may dwell in a place within our heart that remains safe, for only we know and understand its message.

There will be no storm, night or pain that can or should be reached or birthed from such sorrow. Only these memories, thoughts and experiences can spare our emotions that sadden within our heart.

We need not look for what has passed or has risen toward the lights of heaven, for these souls now rejoice in spirit, purity and forgiveness, embraced in warmth and love.

We shall not suffer for a soul that has been met with grace, nor long for any unresolved feelings, truths or moments, for we already know in our heart the answers gifted, and they are gifts.

A presence of this may find direction in the journeys and paths that we each travel. Some crossings at times with others during brief encounters of our life lived that may alter these directions.

We need not trip upon, but step forward and over the boundaries of these lessons brought forth and use these memories as our strengths and guidance.

Allow only beauty and light to shine from those experiences that we have previously shadowed, and welcome this light that they bring, where kindness and compassion may grow. From these experiences we can move forward on our own personal journey.

Allow this music to ring, echoing the eternal tones where only unicorns may run free and rejoice because they have found peace and eternal serenity.

Have no sorrow, for as time passes we will find that these memories and thoughts will pass freely through our minds as small reminders of a time and place. They will bring upon us a faint smile with a comforting where only they can roam, as they have taken their small place in our hearts of their own. 🙏

My Summer Pony Tail

I whisper your name in silence,
so softly that I cannot hear it myself…

A denial of my love, a betrayal of my own heart…
Just to let it be known, that it still yearns for you.

I breath the fresh air that I thought would give me freedom,
but to hear your voice…


I am still captured with intoxication of the love we have shared.

In this life…

we have such small chosen bits that are offered for purity and simplicity.

What we have shared had filled those empty masks
that were missing the elements of what souls bind with.

You found me, you filled me….
But now I whisper your name in silent darkness
where I can only see you in my dreams.

                                                                                     ~KANA

Years ago, my  memoir 

When I would see him, hear his voice, I would become flooded with feelings from the past, feeling from what once was magical between us.

This Summer Pony Tail, was for me now… the masks were still missing the elements that binds souls. I pulled my hair back, took a moment to breath in that same fresh air and look in the mirror.  I now no longer have those dreams of someone that never really existed.

It is painful when you awake and find that you loved the unlovable….

 

A Sleeping Soul Awakens…

It’s early morning… I stood outside for just a moment,
looking toward the sky searching for answers.

So many memories embraced me.
So much to awaken a sleeping soul…

The chill in the air is crisp and smells sweet…
Thoughts of how life experiences help create us, but don’t define us.
Each step taken is greater than our last.
Today, unlike yesterdays… have new meanings.
But none, if not for the old…

We can bring what yesterday has given us along,
Hopes of creating new dreams and paths to follow.
Only the shadows that whisper in the wind are stories of long ago…

Tomorrow’s will embrace a future
and each day forward creates more memories to hold precious with a wiser heart.
Clarity and meaning will come with the transitioning to a new...

Oh yes, I can remember this day from long ago.
It changed the wind in my sails that has taken on a new course…

Beneath these once fragile wings, the winds whisper of memories and each has its way of giving courage and strength to allow me to fly once again…

~ KANA (c. 2019)

One of Two for One

Guessing that the efforts and time spent made to help someone through a difficult time in life will never, should never be forgotten. When you are not the one making that is making that effort and sacrifice, it is easy to dismiss the other that had. To forgiving to forget and still remain, was only as a result of a broken heart that has been held together with a bandage of courage,.

When you find yourself sitting across from a face attached to a shell, you want to believe the plans and future dreams being shared are real… But when you find all that was said and done was just to to justify self serving patronage,it leaves pain in a heart broken

Next you are erased.

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It’s odd…

The twisted spins that we find while flowing through this journey called life.

Stars touching our spiritual beings, echoing the thoughts of our inner minds.

Taunting and teasing with the tricks it can play on our magical moments.

Once focused on a new day being born,

the hope and inspirations we thought would bring us to nirvana…

Is there such a place in our time? Will it truly ever be cleansed? The past, the present that is. 

Will it lead to a future, where all is once again in focus and not seem surreal?

I thought of tonight the many dinners we shared in that little family restaurant.

The talks of just this. It brought a smile to my face thinking of journeys with beginnings, not endings. Our joining in thought of all new tomorrows and aspirations…

Oh how it seems so long ago. Funny still… precious thoughts arise.

Despite our paths traveled in separate directions, there are small times in space that I really never thought they would. But the memories still bring a moment of purity, where I remember a man and woman that connected so deeply… and shared more than just a two for one coupon….

~ Echo

The narcissist will take advantage of your generosity and kindness. They do this by manipulating. those that love and care about them. They these sources of supply generally return, even after being hurt to help the narcissist when needed. This of course is until they are all used up!

Broken Paths

Broken Paths

I never thought that the soulful light that lives within me, could ever burn out. The light dims and my heart sparks, wounded and betrayed.  Broken heart, each piece slowly beats, until it doesn’t.  Airborne my spirit, as I feel a piece of me slip with every breath, fleeing from harm and sorrow. The tears that flood an inner soul that has been betrayed, after it gave all it had to give… to such one undeserving.

This flight of sincerity and passion has been traveled and abandoned for cynical needs.  The sick mind devours the purity of empathy.  The honest and sincere, walk a path of prey, stalked. How can one walk the earth in light, spreading only dark?

I once saw you as a mirror of me, but this is not the case.  Once swooned the kept emotions, now fear the path.

~KANA

Drop The Pocket Watch

We could have had it all, but yet you settled… again… on a false bottomed, BS facade of a life… a never ending black hole…

I’ll never understand this part of you and only wish you valued life so much more. I came home and my past swarmed around me, with a peaceful reminder of how valuable I am, my heart, my soul… I wonder over and over, how and why did I ever give them to you when you don’t even value your own. I have always seen so much more in you, than I believe you have ever even seen in yourself. As I am reminded by all that I know here, what a better life I once had, before I ran after that insane rabbit, down that twisty turning, convoluted hole… I clawed and cried as I did, just to have the strength to climb from the darkness, but for some reason, I wanted to bring that crazy rabbit with me…

Didn’t you want that? Didn’t you want to climb from the shadowed illusions that came alive in that twisted tunnel? It only leads to more diverted paths, don’t you know? A journey of success, unconditional love and peace can’t be found there rabbit… Wasn’t that all once your goal??

This is why I have uprooted myself once more, to see clearly, and now I do. Come out of that tunnel on your own…. Please, waste no more time… I once wanted you here with me… I wanted you so desperately to see clearly… I believed in you…. I hated the frustration of wanting to resurrect you from a world deformed. I once felt you were a piece of me in a certain way and I so desperately wanted you always to share in a different version of life that I know you have never seen….

Nivens McTwisp, stop playing with time… it is only wasted in that fashion…. Your 55 and now it’s time for you to awake…

Erased

The days turn to nights, and nights to days
The first sign of light, the challenges raised
To love with every beat, my heart dares to take
My mind rips apart the moment I wake
I’ve loved you from the moment, I looked into your eyes
Never did I think, you’d be riddled with lies
A man that so many have tried to posses
Has left a path of stories that have yet to be professed
I’ve dreamt of you a lifetime, hoping to find
A gentle man that loved me, that was good and kind
Never would I have thought that life would disguise
The pain that was hidden far beneath those eyes
I held you so closely, to my breast as you sleep
To feel the peace rise, from the days that repeat
The cycles turn swiftly, our nights in your head
As one tries to love you, aside you in bed
My soul was opened, doors having no key
For there is no one else to compare to for me
We’ve danced in the moonlight and made love to the songs
Of every moment in life, even the ones that’ve gone wrong
You know not why I love you, I have made my plea
But my words are all broken and you no longer hear me
You are in my dreams, my gentle man I say
I beg you to remember and not walk away
Know that I love you, for all that we are
The years passed quickly, but haven’t changed us so far
I know that you love me as you remind me you do
But then you push me away for something to do?
How many times I’ve heard you love me too much
But when I share the same you tell me not such
Your words are twisted, and actions run wild
While I stand here watching, feeling as lost as a child
I can never be what repairs you, for your life lived in the past
I only have to offer this role I’ve been cast
To feel empty in love, while you run your path
Knowing all that I have given can be erased in a wrath
Please hear me, please know… I’m as confused as you
For all that I say, and all that I do…
Was for you